Five Things to Consider if You are Thinking about Getting a Divorce

Posted On: Thursday, December 29, 2016

Obviously, if you are contemplating a divorce, it is smart to consult a professional. Here are five things to consider prior to that meeting.

1.  Why do you want a divorce?  What are you hoping to achieve in the process? How do you envision the future that the divorce will make possible?

2.  If children, start thinking about a parenting and custody plan. What has been the parenting arrangement—who does what? What have the roles been?

• Who gets up at night?
• Who gets up in morning and gets them off to school?
• Who carpools for activities, appointments?
• Who stays home if the child is sick?
• What would be an arrangement that would serve you, your children and your spouse?

3.  Financial implications of a divorce

• How much money is necessary for supporting the expected lifestyle for all parties?
• Who should get alimony?
• What is the value of all the marital assets, property, etc?
• Who has contributed what?  Money, care of the household, care of children.
• Any significant contributions from each party’s family?
• Get copies of relevant documents: tax returns, credit card statements, bank statements, monthly bills: get clear on the, What’s so, of your financial life.

4.  Decisions about who moves out of the house

• Who needs the home?
• How important is it to you to get your share of the home’s assets and by when?
• Who has put money into the house?
• If children, how important is it for your children to remain in the house?  (based on age, schools, friends—moving is another big change in the divorce process)

5.  Types of legal support for a divorce: Mediation, Collaborative, Litigation

• Mediation: Mediators (not necessarily lawyers) are trained,  not representing either party, they are neutral helping both parties attain fairness. Don’t need lawyer, but could have one as a background adviser.  
  • Advantage: If successful it is less expressive (one professional).  Both parties are involved, they came up with it so it is agreed upon.
• Collaborative: Two lawyers (trained), contract is signed for full-disclosure and working together to get a fair agreement for both parties.
• Brings in a financial neutral (trained), therapists (trained)
  • Advantage: Both parties are involved, they came up with it so it is agreed upon.
• Litigation: Lawyers are hired to aggressively represent their party.  It can be a fight.
  • Need someone to navigate the process, to help you set realistic goals.  To teach you to speak appropriately to court officials.  Can advise you on what to expect in the court process, with the selected judge.  Experience is priceless.
  • What kind of discovery process, will we need for this case?
  • Motions for temporary orders: custody, alimony, restraining orders.
  • Any abuse?
  • Finding all the financial facts.

Just remember, who and what you choose will have a huge impact of the results. Your first meeting, which is complimentary, is your opportunity to tell your story—why you are getting a divorce, what you are hoping to come away with, and your biggest concerns.  It will help you decide which approach and person is the best choice for attaining your goals.  Divorce is an emotional process; the more you can stay grounded, do your homework, and have the support you need, the better it will go.

We really appreciate that Sandy is sponsoring our January 19th Dream Factory Luncheon, which is dedicated to supporting the needs of children and their families.   Please join us there.